what is going on... I am trying to make life more interesting. I am trying to make genuine changes at Jorge's behest. Even if I do not agree with some of the points he has made, some are valid. I do not think I've been lazy in trying to make friends. It is different here, even if a lot of the people are American as I am they are not the same from the Midwest as they are from Florida... I came from a small town and even after years of living in larger towns does not make me any more qualified to understand the ideals and perspectives that people who grew up in this atmosphere have. I may be friendly and outgoing but that does not mean I have people clamoring to go out and have a drink with me.
SO I am taking a different approach. I am not cutting my points on making friends or who I get along with on a higher level than acquaintances. It leads to trouble, I am sure. Instead I am just trying to get more involved. I am looking into volunteering for a equine therapy program that helps disadvantages kids. Also to get more involved with the Deaf events in the community here. I need to make contact with some of the ASL teachers here, even though I most likely will not be taking any of their classes. Dancing is great fun though I do not make much for friends there. There is not much time/chance for talking.
At home I am also trying to be more involved. Instigate more conversation, suggestions for things to do. I hope it all makes for progress and that Jorge does not feel so pressured to 'take care' of me. I guess deep down I had this sense that a marriage was kind of the overpowering relationship and situation of ones life. You live for one another. While I still believe it, I'm compromising that he obviously wants time for himself. He hangs out with his friends/acquaintances and his little cousin. I have to remember that in it all he still comes home to me. And I hope he remembers that I am just as much a foreigner in this state as he was however many years ago it was he moved here. Yes there was a larger cultural gap but that does not make it any easier on me. Its now my experience and my working uphill to create something from nothing. No family here, all I have is Jorge. And I hope he remains a sturdy foundation on which to build my life. I will try my best to be a good foundation for his own.
I hope I do not create the situation for Jorge to draw me down again. Even if its true it hurts to hear that people are only friends with me because of him. I know relationships can be superficial, there's no need to point it out. It makes it sound like my worth is somehow lower, even if it is not the case. Its just the way of the world but why do we have to point it out so blatantly? You do not usually tell someone you love that 'hey, you're fat.' Try to be considerate about it. You say you are concerned about their weight and their health as a consequence. There are common courtesies even amidst candid married partners.
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Watch, now you will make too many friends and Jorge will get jealous and make you hang out with him more.
I have a couple of friends that I go and do things with. Kenny doesn't have any friends that he hangs out with. One moved to Tennessee and the other well, he was caught cheating on his wife with a 25 year old nurse so he is now on a very short leash. Kenny never really hung around with him anyway. I think I spend more time with his family than he does. He never complains about it. He tells me I'm his friend and he wants to spend time with me and our children. Maybe I should bring this topic up with him again.
See... most of the people I know in a marriage, including Jorge's friends who are married, spend most of their time with one another. Then again, most of them also have kids. I think Jorge is going through a sort of 'life crisis' at the moment... he's bored with his job and bored at home I guess. Explains why he finds some interest hanging out with his cousin, she is only 18. Maybe he is envious of her? It'll pass one way or another.
I complained some because he was spending money taking her out to dinner and spoiling her with gifts. At one instance they were hanging out every night when he was driving her home from work. That's lessened...
If it does not bother either one of you that Kenny does not have much for friends and you have some then, why bring it up? Jorge and I had a spat because he felt pressured to be my friend I guess... and I felt a little neglected. *shrug* If the bear is calmly sitting beside you why poke it to attack?
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