Unmotivated...

Okay so October was horrible blog month for me. I managed to get one post in at the beginning at least. This month isn't turning out well either... But I just did not feel motivated to come on here and write. Felt like an emotional kiddy coaster I think. Not bad just the constant little ups and downs were annoying and gave me a little motion sickness. My rational mind is trying to convince my emotions that everything is all right. I've thought things through, I am satisfied with my conclusions, but I still get sad and upset.

Jorge goes out with his cousin less but sometimes I just feel momentarily abandoned. He has a relationship with her I know I cannot have. But I have a relationship with him she cannot have. They are different and I'm fine with that. I'm doing better, it only happens when he is actually getting ready to leave I get sad. Besides, they usually hang out on a work night when I would not go out at that time anyway. I need my sleep. So I'm not losing anything really.

Okay, so that is my frustration with my own internal clash. On the other side he is still as sweet as he always was... its the little things I especially like, honestly. Little rub on the back, or how most of the time when he walks back into the bedroom and I sit on the little couch he'll rub my hair walking past... Holding hands when driving somewhere.

I've been trying to get in better touch with my inner housewife... Jorge's househusband side has become less lately, not bad. We just go through cycles, you know. I was never really good at it though, so I'm trying more. But its hitting the end of the year and I'm getting those 'blahs'... where I'm ready for something new. Work has not been incredibly exciting this semester at all. I have one interesting class I do. The people are great as always.

Ugh... I just do not feel like writing right now. I"m not sure why. I gotta go to work again now anyway. Off to my next assignment and, oh, maybe a chocolate malt will uplift my spirits. mmm, yes I think so.